Adventures in Texting

4 notes

Sherlock: Black Books

John:
Bernard, Bernard... I'm sorry... ...I ate all your bees.
Sherlock:
...John are you intoxicated?
John:
Black Books. We watched it sunday, remember?
Sherlock:
Vaguely. If I recall I fell asleep through some of it.
John:
Only the middle bit. You liked what you saw, didn't you?
Sherlock:
while certainly not mentally stimulating, it was enjoyable in its own sense, yes. The line escapes me.
John:
You should pay more attention. For someone who's always going on about observation, you don't do much of it.
Sherlock:
How does one observe when sleeping? Not to mention the pointlessness of cataloguing a situation comedy.
John:
It's funny. /I/ can remember it. You were awake for that bit.
Sherlock:
You fill your head with all sorts of pointless things, John.
Sherlock:
That came out wrong.

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4 notes

Sherlock: Sit, Shelton

Sherlock:
Lestrade, the next time I say "send your least irritating officer", I expect a level of thought.
Sherlock:
This one, for example, is extremely irritating.
Lestrade:
There's been a large scale robbery, as I'm sure you know. Be happy I found someone other than Donovan for you.
Sherlock:
I've dealt with him longer than I can stand. How he managed to become an adult let alone an officer is beyond me.
Sherlock:
And don't give me that line. Since when was that your division?
Lestrade:
I'm not the one who hires them, Sherlock. It's not, we're running shorthanded after the bomb scare on the tube, I was asked to help.
Lestrade:
When I say asked, I mean forced on pain of a suspension. Not like I had a bloody choice.
Sherlock:
Yet if you had listened to me you would have known it to be a distraction while more interesting things were happening in Soho.
Lestrade:
Christ, it's not like I can pick and choose where my superiors send me.
Sherlock:
They should take into account that any idiot can get blown up, but only one idiot will work with me.
Lestrade:
Cheers, love you, too.
Sherlock:
Christ kill me now, did you scrape him from the lowest dregs?
Lestrade:
Narcotics is the only division with people to spare.
Sherlock:
That explains a lot.
Lestrade:
Yeah, well, unless you want to hear about a...3, I think John would call it, you don't have a choice but to work with him.
Sherlock:
I shudder to think which would be preferable at this moment.
Lestrade:
How well do you get on with domesticated house pets?
Sherlock:
Depends on your view of "getting on". I'm deciding it differs significantly.
Lestrade:
We're at the dog show, just south of Wimbledon. Your choice. Dogs or officer Shelton.
Sherlock:
Dogs are smarter.
Lestrade:
Well, you know where we are. Shall I let the boys on perimeter know to expect you?
Sherlock:
That isn't my decision to switch tracks.
Lestrade:
I repeat my previous statement.
Sherlock:
Funny.
Lestrade:
Alright, have fun with Officer Shelton then. I'll make note that he's your favourite for short handed days.
Sherlock:
Do shut up Lestrade. Attempted humour doesn't suit you.
Lestrade:
Well stop grousing at me like a child.
Sherlock:
Stop being particularly dense. And I don't "grouse".
Lestrade:
Fine. Whinge. Stop whinging, it's not like I've got a bloody magic wand to wave to make you happy. That's definitely not my division.
Sherlock:
But what a mental picture. I do thank you.
Lestrade:
Mmhmm. Right.

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6 notes

Sherlock: Johnston Underground pt3

Sherlock:
worse than the microwave
John:
i know, the microwave was less than the tabby cat in the lift
Sherlock:
i only said that
John:
it really wasn't THAT bad in the end
Sherlock:
true
Sherlock:
you lied
John:
about what?
Sherlock:
kiss of life
John:
that wasn't the kiss of life
Sherlock:
no
Sherlock:
but you will always give it to me
John:
yeah and i'll give it to you when we get home tonight ok?
John:
haha i'll give it to you alright
John:
because we will get home tonight sherlock
Sherlock:
unless i become the rbbel
John:
become the what?
Sherlock:
rubble
John:
no dont start that shit
John:
youlll be fine
Sherlock:
such faith for an army doctor
John:
i saw a lot of men what should have died and didnt
John:
you are like them
Sherlock:
tickertape in dotum
John:
sherlock
John:
stay with me you asshole
John:
sherlock
John:
i'm calling goddammit
Sherlock:
usually in raavi
Sherlock:
that was a lie
Sherlock:
i dont remembr
John:
stop it answer your phone
Sherlock:
verdana
John:
ANSWER IT

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4 notes

Sherlock: Johnston Underground pt2

John:
fuck. owens caught up to me. and Park and menning and Eidelbrook.
John:
think my jaw's broken
Sherlock:
Fuck.
John:
my sentiment exactly
John:
and err
John:
handcuffed to a storm drain grate
Sherlock:
that is not beneficial
John:
no it fucking isn’t
Sherlock:
here we are again
John:
i'll call lestrade
John:
no answer what the FUCK
Sherlock:
dimmock?
John:
yeah maybe how bad is the bleeding
Sherlock:
more than the tabbycat in the lift
John:
try the scarf again
Sherlock:
youd think i would be better at this
John:
try harder goddammit
Sherlock:
idlike to see ou try
John:
i would if i werent handcuffed to a grate bleeding from my face
John:
got ahold of dimmock, he's on his way
John:
bringing lestrade, the shithead;s lost his phone
Sherlock:
k
John:
no don't you dare
John:
keep talking to me
John:
sherlock
Sherlock:
what
John:
keep talking
John:
SHERLOCK for christ's sake
John:
i'll call you, you hate phonecalls
John:
is that what i have to do?
Sherlock:
no
John:
then don't stop fucking texting me
Sherlock:
cant get bloody thing to
Sherlock:
pinned and
Sherlock:
stupid hand
John:
it's okay just stop struggling for now
Sherlock:
but keep texting
John:
YES keep texting don't stop texting

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5 notes

Sherlock: Johnston Underground pt1

Sherlock:
Saying "this is annoying" is too light for this situation.
John:
Where are you? I thought you were right behind me?
Sherlock:
The roof was weak.
John:
Jesus Christ, Sherlock, is that what that sound was? Where are you? Are you hurt?
Sherlock:
In one of the dilapidated buildings. There's wood in my arm.
John:
Shit, SHIT, how bad is it?
Sherlock:
Bad enough.
John:
That isn't the response I was looking for. I'm coming back to find you. Describe the injury to me.
Sherlock:
Deep. The piece is long, jagged, and splintery. It isn't through my arm completely but it's aggravating the scarring over the brachial artery I slashed involving the microwave.
Sherlock:
I'm also buried. Seemed to have taken a majority of the roof with me. Glad I'm conscious.
John:
Obviously your other hand is fine. Can you tie something around your upper arm, the injured one? A scrap of your shirt, your scarf, something.
Sherlock:
Yes it is. I'm attempting to do so, but the way it's positioned has me pinned a bit.
John:
Do your best. When that's done, start shouting. I'm going to come find you.
Sherlock:
Can't get it tight enough. My head won't reach.
John:
Okay. Shout for me, alright? I'm coming to find you.
John:
Fuck.
Sherlock:
Not what I need to hear right now.
John:
sorry still coming
John:
hadng on
Sherlock:
Oh no hurry.

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7 notes

Sherlock: Deductive Powers of a Drunk pt5

John:
What about Jazz?
Sherlock:
i hate it
Sherlock:
thats why i said
Sherlock:
going to something gof next time
John:
Okay, then.
Sherlock:
opera
John:
Oh Lord no.
John:
The last time was hard enough to sit through.
Sherlock:
but opera is
Sherlock:
i dont even know you
John:
Apparently not. I'm near, are you in the pub?
.
Sherlock:
not anymore
John:
Where did you go?
Sherlock:
bateman
Sherlock:
forgot how loud it was here
Sherlock:
also have black eyes
John:
Jesus, what happened?
Sherlock:
he didnt like i came back
Sherlock:
got my coat though
John:
Come out on the pavement so I can find you.
Sherlock:
trattoria da aldo
Sherlock:
on that corner
John:
How can you spell that but you had a hard time spelling allergic?
Sherlock:
fingers are fickle
Sherlock:
they refuse your allergy
Sherlock:
like i do
John:
Sherlock, come get in the cab.
John:
See me waving? Come here.
Sherlock:
oh allright

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6 notes

Sherlock: Deductive Powers of a Drunk pt4

Sherlock:
dont let me do this again btehway
Sherlock:
this s not funny
John:
I didn't let you, you didn't tell me.
John:
Don't do it again, Sherlock.
John:
How's that?
Sherlock:
yes id id you jsy werent there
Sherlock:
no that wont do
John:
Jesus Christ, it's freezing. You'd best be wearing your coat.
Sherlock:
oh
John:
Please tell me you are.
Sherlock:
fuc
John:
Shit, Sherlock. Go inside somewhere, then.
Sherlock:
not leaving it gotta go back
Sherlock:
stupid
Sherlock:
people who regularly drink
Sherlock:
how is thif fun
John:
Where did you leave it?
Sherlock:
bar probably
John:
Which bar?
Sherlock:
ronnie
Sherlock:
witht he terrible jazz
John:
Stay there, I'll meet you there.
Sherlock:
could here it
Sherlock:
WAFTING
Sherlock:
sound doesnt waft YOU SEE
John:
Right.
Sherlock:
all the notes were wrong
Sherlock:
peple paid for tha
Sherlock:
remind me
Sherlock:
you and i
Sherlock:
going to something actually good
Sherlock:
not jazz
John:
No, we're not. Because we're not going out drinking.
John:
At least not together.
John:
You're insufferable enough as it is.
Sherlock:
no not
Sherlock:
no
Sherlock:
never
Sherlock:
no
Sherlock:
pay attention i was tlaking about jazz

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7 notes

Sherlock: Deductive Powers of a Drunk pt3

Sherlock:
speak a word of this and iwill put bees in your shampoo
John:
Sherlock, that could kill me.
Sherlock:
actually the bees would be dead stirke that
John:
I don't appreciate attempted homicide. I'll tell Lestrade.
Sherlock:
i just said not to
Sherlock:
while youratay it stop being allwric
Sherlock:
right now
Sherlock:
stop it
Sherlock:
are you doig it
John:
I can't stop being allergic to bees.
Sherlock:
did you try
John:
How do I try.
Sherlock:
id unno look deep inside yourself or some other hippie crap
John:
It's impossible, Sherlock.
Sherlock:
dont knwo the meaning o the word
Sherlock:
well i do
Sherlock:
greek is borig
Sherlock:
very ungreek for the name
John:
Do. Not. Move.
Sherlock:
just closer to dean
Sherlock:
the a401 was tooloud
John:
Where exactly are you now?
Sherlock:
greek
Sherlock:
near manete
Sherlock:
take tha bacl
Sherlock:
that is not manette that is compton
Sherlock:
got turned around
John:
Alright, alright, got a cab. I'll be there shortly. Do not go anywhere.

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1 note

Sherlock: Deductive Powers of a Drunk pt2

John:
You aren't even making sense. Where are you?
Sherlock:
soho
Sherlock:
bythewya finest jazz no
Sherlock:
not the finest
John:
Where in Soho?
Sherlock:
frith
John:
Let me check google.
Sherlock:
now greek
John:
No, no, stop moving. Stay on Greek.
Sherlock:
you stop moving
John:
No, I have to come get you, you moron.
Sherlock:
augh isnt it hatful
Sherlock:
pretend allt he time
Sherlock:
stupider when applied
Sherlock:
terirble science
Sherlock:
BETRAYED me,
John:
What the hell are you talking about?
Sherlock:
science
John:
Right. Millie's taken her car, I'll have to get a cab.
Sherlock:
typical
Sherlock:
ew boyfrined
Sherlock:
or old
Sherlock:
no new
John:
Amazing the deductive powers of a drunk.

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